Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
