He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
