thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize