I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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