Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
