There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
