No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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