There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
did i just pee glitter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize