I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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