That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
