Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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