new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
