I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
