Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
