I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
