True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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