Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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