At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
should my penis look like a turkey
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
