I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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