Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
