And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
