It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
