Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
