Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
