There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
