So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
