i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
