Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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