They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
