margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
