no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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