I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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