we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
