Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I looked at my own cervix.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
