WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
