Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
