You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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