I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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