I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dignity is for republicans.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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