I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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