I am puke
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
