I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
