My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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