Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
