you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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