At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
