they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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