after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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