Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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