I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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