went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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