You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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