Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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