ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
