I will die if light touches me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
