I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
