i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
