There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize