The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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