So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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