Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
