whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
