Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
BRING THE BAGELS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
