Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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