the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
did i just pee glitter
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
