Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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