I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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