I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish my penis had a tongue
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
