we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
