his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
