This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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