His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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