You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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