all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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