hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
