my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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