just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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