i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize