K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
