If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
