How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
