he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
