just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
